Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Marriage - again

I really love my wife. And yet my actions often show the exact opposite.

Marriage requires trust above all else. And yet I destroy trust on a consistent basis.

Working to recover from addition and repair a marriage is tough work. But it's also the most important work I can do.

These are the reasons that the Savior must be a partner in both recovery and healing.

Monday, August 1, 2011


Been reading an interesting book lately called Mindset, by Carol Dweck. The premise of the book is that individuals have one of two basic mindsets.

First is the mindset that our traits, personality, characteristics, and talents are basically set. We are who we are, and we can't change that much. For example, if I am a poor writer it's just simply a talent I don't have. I'm not a natural born writer, and therefore will not be able to write for a living.

The second mindset is a growth mindset. No matter what our characteristic or personality or talent now, this mindset says they can always be improved. This mindset says, if I'm not a good writer now, through hard work, effort, and learning I can become an excellent writer.

The interesting thing about the two mindsets is how much  having the second mindset can contribute to success. The author has done meticulous studies which show how much the second mindset drives our ability to improve and achieve remarkable results.

The first mindset leads us to think of failures as devastating. "If I can't improve, and I fail, that must mean I am doomed to always fail.

While the second mindset sees failure as an opportunity to get better. "If I failed now, that means I'm learning, so I'll try again and learn from each mistake"

It's remarkable how much these two mindsets can play into addiction. I think it's safe to say that most addicts come from mindset #1. We often say to ourselves (sub-consciously)
"I'm stuck in this addiction. No matter what choices I made to get here, there is now no way out. It is who I am, it's a weakness of mine, part of my in-born traits, and there really isn't anything I can do about it".

But the second mindset is the the way of thinking the Twelve Steps teach us. It teaches that growth comes from admitting our mistakes, seeing that there is a way out, and then living every day to improve ourselves and turn ourselves to the Lord. It teaches that through righteous action and positive daily effort, we can improve those traits that led us into addiction.

I know I for one suffer from the first mindset in a severe way. I am going to make a conscious effort to replace my thoughts with growth mindsets thoughts, thoughts that will lead me to truly believe I can make improvements and overcome addiction.