Sunday, February 20, 2011

Fulfilling Our Duty

Sometimes there are blessings just for showing up.

This morning was General Priesthood meeting in our stake. Started at 7:00 AM, and while I wake up early nearly every morning, for some reason this morning it was extremely difficult to wake up and go. Even after I showered I wanted to crawl back in bed.

But through it all one thought kept running through my head:

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." - Matthew 6:33

I need a lot of things "added unto" me. Not the least of which is a healing from an addiction that threatens to destroy my life. But as the scripture says, it's my job to seek the kingdom of God first. And laying in bed on a cold winters morning, when my duty was to be in a meeting, is definitely not putting the kingdom of God first in my life.

So I braved the winter storm and I went.

I wish I could say I was greatly inspired and the meeting contained the keys to happiness for the rest of my life. It was a good meeting, but nothing particularly stood out. But as I set here this morning I feel a calm and a peace, simply because I showed up when I was supposed to.

Baby steps.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Life is Busy

My life is extremely busy right now. Between a demanding job, kids, family, marriage, and school, my wife and I do not lack for ways to spend our time. This may sound like a complaint, but as I think about it, I don't think it is.

For an addict like myself, I think busy is good. Keeping my time occupied is fulfilling and productive. Being productive is the complete opposite of acting out in addiction. When I'm acting out, I am destroying rather than producing. So when I am being productive and active, it gives me a natural high rather than the chemical 'fake' high I get from pornography.

Still, there are some challenges that come with being so busy. There are activities which I know will benefit me that are hard to fit in. Exercise, writing, spending time on recovery efforts all fall into this category. Not to mention that I enjoy cooking and wish I had the time to cook more healthy foods for our family.

Add on to all of that the simple fact that a strong marriage takes a lot of quality time together. When a marriage has been damaged the way ours has, it takes even more time. This is time I freely want to give. I want to do what it takes to build our marriage. But again, it's easy for the busyness of life to overwhelm even our best intentions in that regard.

So I am trying to manage my time wisely and with the guidance of the spirit. I don't always do it right, in fact I may be wrong more than I am right. But as a classic addict, the one thing I need to avoid is getting down on myself because things don't always go perfect.

I wake up everyday early, and I try to be as productive as possible, and for not...that feels like the right approach.