Attitude

My oldest son started football practice this week. He came home from his first practice, dropped his helmet on the ground and slumped down on the couch. One arm had blood on it, he had a big bruise on the other arm, his head was drenched in sweat. He looked beat up. He sat there barely moving, layed his head back and closed his eyes. He looked so worn out I was a little concerned. So I walked up and asked "Hey, how are you doing?"

He opened his eyes. As looked at me, a huge smile crept over his face and he exclaimed,

"Man I LOVE football!"

He could barely contain his excitement as he talked to me about tackling and blocking and how good it felt to have the coaches yelling at him again.

It was one of those times I learned a powerful lesson from my kids.

Sometimes I feel beat up. Sometimes I feel like all the difficult things I need to do in life are just too much. Sometimes I feel like struggling to stay spiritual, while dealing with the wounds I've caused through my addictive behavior is overwhelming.

But you know what? "I LOVE life" I love the chance I have to get to know my Savior through the repentance process. I love the healing that has taken place in my marriage as we both strive to turn to the Lord. I love early morning time with the scriptures which gives me power and strength. I love my Savior Jesus Christ and his atonement for me.

Attitude. It really does make the difference. Today I resolve to be more like my kids. See the positive. Enjoy the experience. Be proud of a bump or a bruise or a bloody arm because it represents total effort as I strive to turn to the Lord.

The purpose of life

"We are in this life for the spirit to gain control over the body rather then the other way around." - James E. Faust (Ensign. Nov. 2007)

If our purpose in life is to gain control over our bodies, wouldn't that mean many of the commandments would lead specifically to that purpose. I can think of several....from the law of chastity to fasting to the Word of Wisdom. These commandments teach us the control that is absolutely essential to our mission in life.

So if our purpose is to gain control of our bodies, wouldn't Satan choose that aspect to attack? I can think of one weapon that is absolutely effective in taking away that control.

Addiction.

In addiction free agency is gone. Control is gone. We are at the mercy of the addiction. We don't get to make the decisions that we know will make us happy, because the addiction is constantly ruling our lives.

I wonder though, if the actions needed to overcome addiction, are the very actions which help us understand that we can control our bodies and let our spiritual side take over in our lives. Maybe those very actions, from honesty to turning our lives over to the Lord, will help anybody who wants to truly gain control over their body and thus fill their purpose in life.

Sobriety vs. Recovery

In the Addiction Recovery Program, we are very fond of counting days of sobriety. There is good reason for this, working the program one day at a time is the only way many of us can even begin our recovery progress. One day of success is worth celebrating. In the AR group meetings, we clap and celebrate for any length of sobriety, whether it be 3 years or 2 hours.

For me personally, however, I can get caught in a trap. My goal with regards to my addiction is to recover. Stated more scripturally, to "experience the mighty change in my heart" and to "have no more disposition to do evil". Certainly these changes bring with them the wonderful side affect of sobriety. But sobriety is not my goal.

This may be a subtle difference, but it is important. I can be sober for months on end, without becoming converted completely to my Savior and becoming born again through Him. It can be easy for me to think because I am being sober I am being successful. Certainly sobriety is essential, but it's not enough. If I let my success in avoiding pornography make me complacent and keep me from doing the small, daily things which convert my soul, then truly sobriety is standing in the way of my recovery.

Humility is perhaps the key ingredient to recovery. When I am humble I am moldable, teachable, willing to listen to anything the Lord would have me do. Being the prideful man I am, as my sobriety builds I can start to think "I've got it. I can beat this...I....I....I" Nothing is more deadly for me than the "I" thoughts.

Recovery, for me, requires turning my life and will over to the Lord every single day. I have to be very aware that I take this step, no matter where my sobriety number lies. Because the day I forget to turn myself over to Him, is the day I start my slow descent. My goal, now and always, is to be converted to my Savior Jesus Christ.

Oh...and my sobriety is now at 150 days.

Sentences to Ponder

How does this thought apply not only to those with addictions, but to anyone seeking to make the crucial changes which allow them to turn themselves over to God?

From Russel M. Nelson, Nov. 1988

Exercising the body and the spirit will aid in the climb toward recovery.
Appropriate physical activity helps to combat depression, which so often accompanies addiction.
But spiritual exercise is even more crucial. This battle will be more easily won with fervent prayer. If we truly “counsel with the Lord in all [our] doings, … he will direct [us] for good.” (Alma 37:37.)
Strength comes from uplifting music, good books, and feasting from the scriptures. Since the Book of Mormon was to come forth “when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth” (Morm. 8:31), study of that book in particular will fortify us. President Benson has issued that challenge. Exercise the body and the spirit and choose to exercise faith in God.

Addiction is Devastating

In general, I like this blog to be about more than sexual addictions. All of us, whether suffering from addiction or not, have personal change that we are attempting in our lives. Addiction is one of the most difficult changes, and therefore can provide an opportunity to learn important lessons. But, I am hopeful these lessons can be applied by anybody seeking to make a change, large or small.

However, today I want to speak simply and from the heart.

Pornography and sexual addictions are devastating.

...They diminish free agency

...They make the addict feel worthless

...They turn the addict into a habitual liar who cannot be trusted

...They destroy happiness, trust, and support in a marriage

...They spend money with no regard for common sense

...They put the addict at risk of breaking laws they normally would never consider

...They densensitize the mind to the point where disgusting things become acceptable to the addict

...They destroy the ability to have the protection and peace of the Holy Ghost

...They can take away the privilige of sacred God-given opportunities such as exercising the priesthood, taking the sacrament and attending the temple

...They restrict the addicts opportunity to guide and teach his children

...They lead to divorce and a loss of those things that are the most precious in the addicts life

...They often lead to loss of employment

...and perhaps most damaging and difficult to deal with for me personally. They destroy the tender feelings of the incredible daughters of God in our lives. It can make them question their testimony, their emotions, and their trust.

I just want to make it clear. Addiction destroys lives, breaks up families, and reaks havoc wherever it rears it's head. If the fish hook of addiction is stuck in you, get it out. If you aren't in it, avoid anything that could draw you in.

The Fish Hook

Not long ago I was fly fishing with my son and a close friend. My fly was floating along the river until it suddenly got caught on something. My natural reaction was to jerk the fly loose. The line had a bit of weight on it, so this little jerk caused the fly to burst out of the water and come jetting straight for my face. My reactions must not be what they used to be, because I soon realized I had a large fly embedded in my bottom lip. A gentle tug on the hook confirmed my fear. The barb was deep into the flesh; this was not going to be a pleasant experience.


My friend and I spent the next several minutes trying to gently extract the fly. We tried pulling, backing it out, tugging with tweezers...no luck...and painful. As my son watched this exercise, he piped in with this helpful thought. "Well Dad, at least now you know how the fish feel."


After several failed attempts, we realized the best approach was to push the hook all the way through my lip, cut off the barb, and then pull it out. With some pushing, a bit of pain, and maybe even a few tears, the hook popped through my lip. We were able to remove the barb and pull the hook out.


I have to be honest, having a fish hook stuck in my lip was not the most pleasant experience of my life.


Do you know how to say "addicted" in sign language? You make a fish hook sympol into your lip and turn your head as if hooked.




I cannot think of a more apt description of addiction than being hooked and not being able to get yourself free. As I think about my experience with the hook in my lip, and the effort it took to get free, three thoughts come to mind.

1) Do everything you possibly can to avoid getting hooked in the first place. Once the hook is in, there is no simple or unpainful way to get it out.
2) If you do have the hook of addiction in your lip, you cannot simply back it up and think it will pop out easily. The best way to deal with it, is face it directly, work through the repentance process, and clip off the addiction.
3) A friend's help in handling addiction is an amazing blessing.

As painful as the hook in my lip was, it was nothing compared to the pain and agony of addiction in my life. Whatever you do, don't get stuck with that hook. And if it's in there, get it out though the love and mercy of our Savior Jesus Christ.

Goeth not out but by prayer and fasting

Not long after the transfiguration Christ's disciples attempted to cast an evil spirit out of a man and failed. The Savior appeared later and was successful in casting the spirit out of the man. With a gentle rebuke and in a teaching moment he taught the disciples of the power of faith as a grain of mustard seed. He then shared this insightful teaching:

Howbeit this kind goeth not out by prayer and fasting-Matt 17:21

This teaching seems to indicate there are some problems, some challenges, some demons so great that an extra measure of faith and power is needed. In Jesus the Christ, James E. Talmage teaches this principle:

Have you some besetting weakness, some sinful indulgence that you have
vainly tried to overcome? Like the malignant demon that Christ rebuked in
the boy, your sin may be of a kind that goeth out only through prayer and
fasting.

I have written about the power I feel fasting has had in changing my life. The key component of recovery and true gospel change is faith in the atonement and healing power of Jesus Christ. Maybe the secret of prayer and fasting is the building of faith that comes through it's power.

I do know that with an addiction as damaging and controlling as mine...and perhaps with whatever struggle you are dealing with...these words may provide the added measure of strength needed. "This kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting".