Thursday, February 16, 2012

An Update

It has really been a difficult few months. I had a prolonged period of sobriety, about 95 days, which ended in November. Since that time I have been bouncing around between working on recovery, feeling in complete despair, and lying about where I am in my progress. To say it's been a very difficult few months is understating it. It has been difficult for me and for my wife.

My faith has been shaken deeply over the past few months. I know faith and hope are the one things I cannot lose, but having faith in the face of such devastating mistakes is a difficult thing. I am working actively to keep my faith strong. At times it feels like a losing battle but it's a battle that must be fought. I won't give up faith.

I have to face the fact that my lying has gotten out of control as well. Over the past few months I lied to my wife and to my bishop. Bald faced lies. Deception is at least a big a part of this addiction as looking at pornography and chatting with women online. If I can commit to be honest, I believe the addiction would slowly die from starvation.

So I'm here, I'm writing, I'm working recovery...and trying to keep my head up. Lessons learned are extremely painful, but the pain is worth nothing if I don't learn from it.

15 days of sobriety.

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