Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Messed Up

I relapsed.

It's hard to say that. And it is hard to set the clock back to zero days, but that is reality.

Being an addict to pornography is such a crazy thing. It's almost impossible to describe how terrible I feel when I relapse. Yet, all of these feelings are brought about by decisions I freely choose. It doesn't make any sense to myself, let alone to those around me.

So here I am. With 20 hours of sobriety. Trying to understand how to put my life back together. Perhaps the biggest challenge is. My wife is broken too. She's broken because of the pain my decisions bring.

Now we are trying to work on our marriage, and trying to help each other heal, while both being damaged. That is a difficult thing to do.

For the next while I think this blog will be more personal, and more about my personal battle to recover. I'll see if the writing helps.

1 comment:

Carol said...

I admire your honesty and your courage to confront your addiction. Hopefully, the help of a gospel-based 12-step group and a friend you can call when the "wave" hits will faciliate your recovery. Prayers and best wishes to you and your wife.